Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
