so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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