well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
