it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
