I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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