When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
