I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
