I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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