I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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