He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
