I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
