you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
COCAINE IS GR8
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize