When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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