You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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