im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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