I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
