11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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