sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
where are you?
Hypothermia
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
