he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
