Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize
