Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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