so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
