It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
