Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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