I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
