I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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