Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Randomize
