Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
