Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
