I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
