You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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