these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
