That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
