I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
