is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
