Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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