I just saw a hot homeless man
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
