we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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