Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
