p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I miss vodka workout Fridays
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
