Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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