a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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