You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
