he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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