I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Randomize
