his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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