he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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