I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
