he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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