I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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