Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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