dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
