It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
