umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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