I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
