If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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