she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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