i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
