i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
handjob tips. give me some.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
