Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
