I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
How external is "for external use only"?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
