why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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