no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
