she was so not down for the gang bang
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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