I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
