God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
