I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I believe in your delicious
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
