I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
