God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
