I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
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