I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Randomize
