You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I have fence marks all over my body
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
