Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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