I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
