we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
