I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
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