I got chris browned last night
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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