Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
