she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
