yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'm like, not good at living.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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