she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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