umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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