I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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