Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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