I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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