I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
