I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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