At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
