worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
