i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
