I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
