So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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