come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
