His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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