dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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