Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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