Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i just made my gag reflex go away.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
