i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
