I think im going to throw up on grandma
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
