I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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